This is no mere traditional end of a year/new year resolution thing (I do not like traditions, particularly the whole tradition of New Year resolutions). It is true, that I am assessing my involvement in the gaming hobby, evaluating my interest level and trying to come up with some idea of what I will do in the new year. I'm sure you know the thought patterns; what will I work on, should I just play board games, how do I motivate myself to tackle the unpainted pile, how do I become more productive, will I ever pick up a paint brush again, that sort of thing.
Beyond the whole gaming introverted navel gazing, another non gaming matter is impacting on my life, namely that as of January 2020 I transition from the ranks of the employed to a retired man of leisure.
UPDATE 12/22
(or do I? Recent events have thrown doubt on this, matter, stay tuned for new updates...😬)Update, looks like I may et what I need, still have not seen the package, but it should arrive before Christmas.
Now this should be viewed as a good thing, but to know me is to understand that I can find the negative in the positive. To rework Linus' statement, Charlie Brown is not the only person who can take a wonderful
To be fair I could seek out new role with the company, and thus continue my employment, but the idea of being retired has a certain appeal to it. I can of course seek out other work, and may do so if we have miscalculated my retirement income. Also, my wife is already retired, it would be nice to spend more quality time with her, to not feel so rushed in life, and to not go into work knowing that she was at home enjoying her retirement. If she is going to have quality alone time it will be with me!
I have been packaged off since 2018, so one might wonder, why my concern, surly I am already in the retired groove, settled into the life, relaxing in the sun etc etc.... Well, I am not and for no great reason. On reflection, the last two years have been something of a blur. I have played lots of games, but not as many as I should or could have. I have worked on some gaming projects, but all too often the spark was just not there. I do not know exactly all that transpired this year and last year, but I am certain something must have happened.
It does not help to have no plan. I had ideas of how I would fill the days but often those plans were shunted aside by random events, and/or sunny days. My days lacked, and continue to lack, structure. Like the unfocused sod that I am I drifted through the days and weeks, (like sand through an hour glass?)working on whatever took my fancy, pushing off projects. Many time during the last two years it seemed like I was just as productive for myself as I was for my employer.
I just never got comfortable, never felt retired. I was in a holding pattern. For the last two years, 2020 had loomed over my head all Damocles like.
Well the sword has dropped, a decision needed to be made, a commitment to one life or the other.
I informed the company that I will retire, and I shall see how things go. If I find myself back working some job to make some extra cash, so be it. The decision to retire was not as easy a decision as I would have thought. Colleagues at work often pray to receive "The Package". I certainly hoped to see it some day, just not so soon. The positive is that I retire well before I turn 60! Assuming that the 40 years of poison from paint and Styrofoam fumes, the lead, the resin dust, and any other chemicals fumes that I have inhaled do not catch up to me too soon, that is a reasonable age to get out of the work force, still some life in these bones. (see I can find the negative, as if you doubted me)
So why am I not celebrating this momentous event? Well, apart from the fact that I do not enjoy celebrations, I think it just might be the fact, that I like working and I liked the people I worked with. For me, the job was more than just work, it was my socializing time. Without it I may well devolve into a basement dwelling troll. At least at work I could be my sarcastic self, I could interact with staff and clients. It offered a variety of experiences, good and bad.
As for me liking work, it has had it's moments of fulfillment and it's challenges. However I have never had a career. I have been employed by two different companies, throughout my working life, and while both involved customer service, the nature of the two jobs were quite different. While I enjoyed my time with each, it could not be stated that I had a career. My sister has a career, and despite being 10 years my senior shows no sign of retiring any time soon. Being as I only have a 'job', in theory I should be able to walk away from it, it is not after all what I see myself as, my self identity is not tied to a career, I am not a number, I have never been labeled....
But I have always had a strong work ethic. I always tried to do the best that I could, to help clients, and fellow employees. As a manager I always treated my staff with respect, and tried to advance their careers, and to be a good 'boss'. Work was also my venue to socialize. I was friendly with my staff, never friends, as that would cross a line, but I like to think that I was a good person and good manager to them.
Now I leave that world, into a more isolated world.
I need to find a new path for my 'second' life. I think it is time for me to have a career, albeit one with no pay, and no upward mobility and limited socializing. It is time to turn my hobby into my career, to treat it as a job, and see if I can use my 'work ethic' to make progress on all the myriad projects that lie half completed throughout my basement.
I have determined that I will approach this with an unflinching resolve, that I will strive to turn my retirement into my first full time career, and to appreciate, and enjoy what I have and what I have been granted.(again if I get what I was promised)
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